If you read my last post you know that I have been going to the gym for almost 2 months now. My first Body Transformation Program at Manimal Athletics Training is almost completed and it will end with the weigh in and measurements on Monday.
I hate the scales but yet I am obsessed with them at the same time. I know that having lymphedema means that getting an accurate weight loss number is not going to happen. My weight can vary greatly depending on what activities I have been doing (sitting at a desk for any length of time makes my legs swell) and once summer comes it will be even worse since the heat makes me swell a LOT. I have been doing some office work the last 2 days so I have gained 10 pounds since I weighed myself 3 days ago. I keep telling myself to ignore the scales and that the measurements are more accurate than my weight but as much as I tell myself that it is still the scales that mean the most to me. People see me and the first thing they ask is “How much weight have you lost?”. No one has ever asked me how many inches have you lost.
My goal is to get to ONEderland. So that also relates to the scales. I haven’t been in ONEderland for at least 20 years. Why does this mean so much to me? I should be happy knowing that I am getting healthier and my clothing size is getting smaller. I am always wondering what weight I would be if my legs were “normal”. I look at people who seem to be the same size as me (although I am not great at doing this because my view of my body is somewhat distorted) and wonder what their weight is.
I know I am doing well. I am going to the gym for 2 or 3 one hour long sessions a week. I am keeping track of what I am eating. I am staying within my daily calorie range and eating much better than I have in my life. I have a lot of people commenting on my weight loss. I am wearing clothes that are smaller sizes. BUT yet seeing my weight go up on the SCALES is so disheartening…